Friday, June 25, 2010

Not the happiest post ever.

I've been quiet lately, haven't I? I didn't get any mail this week, and I didn't send any. Isn't that so sad? Sigh.

Speaking of sad, lately I've been feeling really unlike myself lately. I don't want to go to work, can't eat or sleep, and have no desire to do anything fun like read or hang out with friends. I actually think that I am going crazy in some moments, because I just cannot think clearly. It is not fun, to say the least.

This is not the first time I've been like this either. I seem to go through a phase like this for a month, then I'll be okay for a month or two, and then I'll slide back into it. I thought it had to do with how I was doing in my relationship with God, but when I'm like this it's almost impossible for me to hear God. It's hard to feel joy or any connection with Him. When I feel so far away from God, I can't feel hope in any other part of my life.

I was talking with a friend the other day who has been diagnosed with depression, and her symptoms before she went on anti-depressants sounded very similar to what I'm going through right now. The next evening I went online and checked out some sites that have information on depression. I was making quite a few checks as I went down the list. It was kind of scary, but it was actually more of a relief to figure out what was wrong with me. Now I know what to do to get over this! I saw my doctor yesterday. She didn't officially diagnose me with anything, but she prescribed me an anti-depressant, and I need to go back in a few weeks. It will take a few weeks for the medicine to take effect, so in the meantime I need to do everything I can on my own.

My doctor said things that would help are: exercise (which I don't do), proper diet - lots of fruits and veggies (uh, yeah, I probably eat a quarter of the daily recommended portions), go outdoors (which is not fun when the mosquitoes are out), spend time with friends and do other things I enjoy, and think positively.

So what am I gonna do?
start exercising and eating better
play with my kitten Charley
read a novel
talk with friends
eat more nutritious food
take baths with Lush bath bombs
do things to make me laugh
remember the good times
spend lots of time contending in prayer
make plans for the future

surrender my fear and take up hope.

I tell you this just because I need to get it out there. If I try to hide it I'll only get worse. I don't want your pity, though. Don't feel sad for me. Encourage me and make me laugh. Keep my spirits up. And pray for me.


  1. Hello Felicia,

    This is Jiahui, the penpal you write to via postcrossing.

    I just stopped by here for the first time and and it's good to know what you're up to recently.

    I received your letter last week and I'm kinda sorry to write you so late cause so many stuffs occupied my most of time and I even had no time to take a great rest!!!

    I am now on summer break after I finished my exams few days ago. So, I'll write you more , a quite long letter and send it next week!

    Oh yeah, I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling good. You have to cheer up and go out to see the beautiful world out of your bed! If you don't wanna move, staying alone for reading or listening to music isn't an bad idea !

    I hope you're doing ok and the smiles come back to your face pretty soon!

    Take care


  2. aw wow! that's an amazing post! sounds like an encouraging plan! feel better soon :)


  3. Aw, girl, I hear ya. I'm in that funk too, but personally for me, I doubt I have depression. I just think it's that phase I go through a couple times a year. It's also because I haven't been at work since Sunday, so I'm just bummin' around at home.

    I hope all works out for you. PS, I sent out a letter for you this past week, I hope it makes it to you soon.