A day late for a new post.

Hi Friends. I have been meaning to do this for a while, and today is the day. I have been wanting to start a new regular post, inspired by my friend Belen. The name of the feature? Weigh-in Wednesday. (I know today is Thursday but I was not at home all day yesterday so be quiet.)

I will just give you a quick intro to why I'm doing this. Ever since I hit puberty, I have struggled with my weight. In 2007 I weighed 220 lbs. After years of wishing I could lose weight, I finally kicked myself in the butt with the help of a good friend, and by the time I started college, in 2009, I weighed 170. Unfortunately, those of you who have ever lived in dorm for any length of time and have lived on a college meal plan know that the Freshman 15 is no myth. I gained that. And then kept gaining, even though I did only live in dorm for one semester and have lived at home since then.

Today I stepped on the scale. My weight was 224. Yes, that is right. I am almost ashamed to post that. Not for the number, but for the fact that I have gained back every single pound that I lost, plus 4 more. All that hard work, and nothing to show for it.

I bought my wedding dress 2 weeks ago. It came off the rack, and it is about 2 or 3 sizes too small. It can easily be altered to fit, but I don't want to go that route. I want to lose the weight, and have the dress fit without any major alterations.

My goal is to lose 20 pounds by June 1, which is a couple weeks before my wedding. I have 3.5 months. With some hard work, I think I can do it. Which is why I'm posting about it. I need to be held accountable. I just cannot motivate myself. I think that by keeping you updated (whether you want to read it or not) I will find a sense of purpose to keep going, that every Wednesday I can come back and celebrate every milestone I hit.

This endeavor is for me. No one else is making me feel like I have to lose the weight. Chris is extremely awesome and he loves me exactly as I am. No, I am doing this for me. I have a bunch of clothes that are under my bed from my skinny days, and they are really nice and I miss wearing them. I loved it when I was able to go into any store with my friends and try on clothes and have them fit.

For anyone that has never experienced going into a store and not having a single thing fit, you have no idea how incredibly hard that is. When an XL shirt pulls across your chest, and when you can't even get the largest size of jeans in the store up your legs, never mind buttoned and zipped... Well, lets just say I've often had to fight back tears in a fitting room. So this is for me. This is for my health and my self-confidence. It's going to be hard, but I've done it before and I will do it again.

I appreciate any and all support, constructive ideas and suggestions, and prayers. Cause honestly? I like food. I hate exercising. I'd rather sit on the couch and eat half a dozen Oreos with a huge glass of milk than celery. I hate celery...

A letter to someone who changed my life.

Dear Fiancé,

You have changed my life, in so many ways. Before you came along I was depressed (literally) and I honestly thought I would never know what it was like to love and be loved in return. A year later, here we are, and we're getting married! Really, that is enough said, because I always said that marriage was scary, and I would know when it was right because I wouldn't be scared anymore. Well, I was partly right. I'm still scared sometimes, but I know that you won't leave me, and you'll hold my hand for the rest of our lives. So I would say that's pretty life-changing. Thanks <3

Love forever,
your future wife

Fill in the Blank Friday 2.3

1.   I am  getting married on June 17 to the most amazing man I could dream of having, graduating in 2 months (and am super stoked about that!), and re-learning to pursue Jesus.

2.  The bravest thing I've ever done was  said yes when Chris proposed. Seriously. I have doubt issues.

3.  I feel prettiest when  I'm not wearing any makeup and people tell me I look good.

4.  Something that keeps me awake at night is   reading blogs. And/or stress about homework. Lately I have been playing the Sims 3 on my phone (shhh...)

5.  My favorite meal in the entire world is   Eggs Benedict. Or cheese tortellini from this amazing Italian restaurant. It's actually probably something else that I can't think of right now.

6.  The way to my heart is   to talk with me, play along with my stupid jokes, give me hugs and chocolate.

7.  I would like to  fit into my wedding dress, and also do a blog giveaway one of these days when I have some extra coin to get some sweet stuff/pay for postage ;)

A letter to someone who has caused me pain.

Dear you,

I remember my first encounters of you. There was something about you that I just didn't like. I had a feeling that I shouldn't let you in. I felt kind of bad about that, but that's just the truth. Our paths kept crossing, and you kept trying to befriend me, yet I just couldn't see why. Eventually we ended up in a cell group together, and I thought that maybe you had changed. Slowly we began to talk and hang out, and then one day I called you one of my best friends.


Then things started to change again. You started to give me that initial feeling I had about you. I didn't want to spend time with you and I didn't know why. So I stopped texting all the time, and I didn't enjoy our drives to the city like I used to.


Finally, one day, I had enough of your drama, and I left the party without saying goodbye. That set you off, and you didn't talk to me for over 2 months, even though I apologized several times. I felt really bad at first, but then I could see that I was better off without you, and I stopped feeling bad. Now we're on speaking terms again, but I feel like you want to pretend nothing happened. I'm not going to let you in again, but I'm glad that at least we can be in the same room and be civil.



You can be really nice sometimes. I think that if you learned to let go, like I had to learn, you would be a lot happier.


All the best,
Felicia

A letter to a deceased person I wish I could talk to.

Dear Jack,

Is it alright if I call you Jack? I know that only your closest friends called you that, but I like to think that we would have been friends, had we lived in the same place, same time, same circumstances. I love your works. They resonate with me in a way that I truly appreciate.

Someday I will meet you. I know I will, in the true reality, the place that is more real than anything else I have experienced, in the real Narnia. We have all of eternity to meet up and chat about our Lord.

You went against the flow. I appreciate that. I hope that someday I will be able to be as eloquent and strong as you, Mr. Lewis.

Sincerely,
Felicia

Fill in the Blank Friday 2.2

1.   If I could only read one magazine publication for the rest of eternity, I would choose  Chatelaine. It has everything. It's lovely.

2.  If I were to run my own magazine it would be  about books, diy, music, and lovely indie things.

3.  I buy my magazines (at the grocery check stand or via subscription)  mostly at the store checkout. I do subscribe to a couple mags, but I usually judge a magazine by its cover haha.

4.  I prefer my magazines (in print or online)   in print. No contest.

5.  The number of magazines I buy each month is   2 or 3. Depends on how much extra money I have lying around.

6. My favorite magazine genre is (lifestyle, gossip, home, etc...)   I guess it would be lifestyle. I do enjoy a good gossip mag every so often (sshhh...)

7.  The magazines I read regularly are  Chatelaine, National Geographic Traveler, Flare, Elle, and House & Home (and Bride! hehehe ;D)

January in a nutshell.

Hi friends. I decided I should do a major month update, complete with pictures. Enjoy =)

Enjoyed the 3 days of January when it wasn't snowing. All the hoarfrost was pretty though.

Had fun car rides with Christopher and Momo.

Went to a Steinbach Pistons (minor league hockey team) game, which was actually really fun, even though it wasn't much of a game and they pwned us 4-1.

Went to Chapters with my girls and wreaked havoc as usual.

Appreciated some art at Starbucks (this was a lazy picture, as I took it from the other end of the store instead of actually getting closer)

Had my picture drawn by my favorite artist <3

I spent a lot of time hanging out with my peeps, enjoying homemade pizza and laughs.

Tried the most random chip flavours I've ever seen. The Fries'n Gravy were actually okay, because they really did taste like fries and gravy! But the Roast Chicken was just weird. I don't know what it actually tastes like. Not enjoyable, I'll tell you that.

Took some pretty pictures that I'd like to share with you.

And that's about it.

...

Oh yeah, and I got engaged.

For real, friends!!!! It happened on Saturday. Chris told me that morning that his parents wanted to have supper with us, so after I was done work and got ready, we went over to their place. We walked inside, but there wasn't anyone there! I was like "what the heck, where are they, I wanna eat!!" Chris was all cool, and he's like, oh, maybe they're downstairs.

Up until this point I honestly just thought we were having supper with his family. But then we get downstairs, he opens the door, and I see this:

At that point I knew exactly what was happening, so I kind of went into shock, and I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry or what, so I just looked at Chris and said "are you for real??"

Yes he was. He had prepared a wonderful meal for us (which he made himself! I'm so happy he can cook because I can't don't like to), and before he brought out dessert, he got up, got a small gold box (what was inside?), went down on one knee, and said "Felicia, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" And I said "Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Then we stood there and laughed and hugged and laughed for about 10 minutes.

We were sooo flipping giddy; it was awesome. After we had dessert, his parents (my future in-laws!) came down and his mom took some pictures of us to remember the occasion =)

My face hurt from smiling and laughing so much!!)

That's pretty much how we were all evening.

 So this summer, on June 17, this crazy couple:

is gonna tie the knot.

I'm so excited, and yet it almost doesn't seem real! It's so weird! And awesome <3

Here's one more shot of the bling:

Isn't it gorgeous? And in 134 days, the man that put it on my finger will be mine all mine mwahhahahahaha!!!!

Yes, I do get a little crazy. So in the months to come there will likely be lots more posts about wedding planning. I'll also probably ask advice/tips/cheap alternatives (we are 2 students, after all).

Sigh. I love him =)